One of the most valuable feats a parent can achieve is relinquishing control. Why is that?
Ahhhh well, because we never had it in the first place.
So really what we’re relinquishing is the desire to be in control OR the frenetic energy of trying to be in control. It’s useful to relinquish this desire – this trying to be in control – from the beginning of the parenting journey. Even before the beginning.
From the moment Wanna-Be parents decide to try to get pregnant, it can become apparent that we are not in complete control.
Certainly, there are things we can control about the process. We can have sex, artificially inseminate, measure or test to determine when we’re ovulating, decide to pursue other paths to parenthood, and so on.
We can choose what actions we take. And, the actions we can choose might span a range from trusting, dreaming, journaling, and visioning … to … pursuing IVF, surrogacy or adoption.
What we can’t completely control is the outcome. You can’t 100% assure a specific desire happens the way you want it to happen.
Sure, OK, it’s fairly easy to grasp this logically. Yet, what about emotionally?
Our brains may be able to understand that we don’t control…. But what about our hearts?
It’s a tough ask.
When our hearts want so badly, how do we loosen up our desire to control?
We can’t ask ourselves to stop caring. It’s not possible. We wouldn’t want to. Loving parents care.
We can work to shift how we feel about our emotions.
We can loosen the hold our desires have on us.
But, how? How do we lighten up our energy?
Each future parent needs to find his/her own way. Here are some places to look:
Give up your desire to a higher power. Put your faith in the bigger picture notion that what’s meant to be will be, in the perfect timing. Trust in an entity – or a knowing – larger than yourself.
Trust the process, whatever process you’re choosing to engage with in the moment. Do the work so you’re clear that the path you’ve put yourself on is the one that feels best right now.
Know it’s OK to both 1) want with all your heart and 2) not be guaranteed to get what you want. You want what you want. Trying to pretend you don’t desire what you actually do want – in an effort to NOT feel disappointed – is a fraudulent and ultimately unhelpful game. Let yourself fully want without fully knowing what will happen.
You’ll know you’ve relinquished control when you feel yourself operating with an “allowing” energy, instead of a “forcing” energy. You might still be making the same exact choices. Yet, your being will be different, lighter.
Amy is a pregnancy coach, speaker and author. Loving the Pregnant You provides coaching and other services to support expectant and new moms to feel empowered and confident.